I awokeFifteen months afterI could feel an echo of herA longing to reconnectThe missing-you part of grief“I should call her” Fully awakeI knew there could beNo phone callShe was long goneBuried for five seasons A series of unusually pleasant dreamsGifted me with respiteEnded in wakingTo continue my grief.
Mother Wounds
Dear Mother,I consider myself an expertIn dead mothers.I have twenty-two years of experienceTending to my mother wounds,Hoping to heal themBefore they wound my children.At this point,I’m not sure you make myTop five listof dead people I’d like to have over for dinnerBut maybe if it were possibleWe could go for coffee instead.Unlike those on my…
A blessing for the summer
Packed with expectationTime feels unlimitedAs though it was not just 12 weeksBut an infinite number of days and hoursWhere I will catch up on every good thingHave unquantifiable amounts of funEnjoy my leisure to the fullest InsteadMy anxiety takes up residenceForces me to sit withUnanswerable questionsUntil I am overwhelmedWith imposter syndromeWhich I medicate with ice…
Burnout
I am unlearningA practice of productivityAchievementThat does not relyOn me breaking myself openLetting all of my vital partsHang outOnly to be leftWith the painful processOf gathering my organs back upAnd stitching myself back togetherHealing slowlyRepeating the breakingJust after healing I am paying closer attentionTo those pre-break momentsWhen I hear somethingRipOr snap internallyOr feel my innards…
Balancing Act
Today I will do my bestTo acknowledge my hurtsWhile gradingTo keep an eye on my unruly griefWhile my children tell me about their daysI will walk through the tunnel of me feelingsWhile walking the dogs,Dragging both my screaming inner selfAnd my stubborn dogOnward. I wrote this poem two years ago today, at the beginning of…
A blessing for when the word ends and still goes on
We are years into this messAnd cannot see the end of itThough we fear it is a long way off.It seemed like the world ended and it still goes on.We have remained home as best we couldWe stopped our regular tripsTo workTo the bookstoreTo the coffee shopTo friendsTo churchTo familyOur social skills have deterioratedWe are…
Fall Semester Finals Week
It is the middle of exam weekAbundant patienceHas worn down toSardonic exhaustionI’ve not fully burned outBut the house has caught fireAnd the neighbors can see smokeEscaping from under the front door The useful parts of me are depletedLeaving only the gluttonous chocolate eaterWith a reduced social filterAnticipating a too-short season for renewal.
My Holy Women
My Holy WomenHail from unforgiving wildernessesSpeaking the words of God’s peaceThrough turbulent and violent times. Only, those wordsDiscomfort and encroachUpending the truths we feelDrawing us into the badlands. My Holy WomenAre intimate with GodHaving wrestled with Her,Knowing all Her tricky moves. My Holy WomenPerceive the wildness of God,Ripping and tearingAt our expectations. My Holy WomenAre…
Morning After the Carol Singing Party
I woke up to findThat nothing had been put away last nightThe remnants and leftover candyFrom the children’s gingerbread houseLeftover fondant and wrappersLittered the tableMusic books with sticky note markingsPiled on the pianoPhotocopies for singersStacked in a cornerGlasses of waterStrewn across the counter. I feel no dread or regretAbout the cleanupWe sang aboutThings once believedWith…
A blessing for reminding you that you are enough
As chaos and demands swirl around youInsisting that you need toDo moreBe moreHave moreAs you battle these demons/exes/jobs/bossesKnow that you are seen by othersWho see youConnectingSurvivingLearningGrowingMaking it work in a difficult situation.I sayWe all sayYou are enough.Louder, so your inner demons can hear it too,You are enough.I bless you to be able to feel the…
The Contemplative Heretic 