Packed with expectation
Time feels unlimited
As though it was not just 12 weeks
But an infinite number of days and hours
Where I will catch up on every good thing
Have unquantifiable amounts of fun
Enjoy my leisure to the fullest
My anxiety takes up residence
Forces me to sit with
Until I am overwhelmed
With imposter syndrome
Which I medicate with ice cream –
It is summer after all.
And when existential crises
Have worn me down
I pick up a pen and a whiteboard
Start planning for next year
Make notes to myself
To remind the future Me
That these questions will sneak up
And hold joy and pleasure hostage
I will have to fight that dragon again.
It would be nice to remember in advance
That summer is all about emotional adventures
And the slaying of monsters.
I cannot avoid the encounter
But I bless myself one year from now
With the gift of memory.