Packed with expectation
Time feels unlimited
As though it was not just 12 weeks
But an infinite number of days and hours
Where I will catch up on every good thing
Have unquantifiable amounts of fun
Enjoy my leisure to the fullest

Instead
My anxiety takes up residence
Forces me to sit with
Unanswerable questions
Until I am overwhelmed
With imposter syndrome
Which I medicate with ice cream –
It is summer after all.
And when existential crises
Have worn me down
I pick up a pen and a whiteboard
Start planning for next year
Make notes to myself
To remind the future Me
That these questions will sneak up
And hold joy and pleasure hostage
I will have to fight that dragon again.
It would be nice to remember in advance
That summer is all about emotional adventures
And the slaying of monsters.
I cannot avoid the encounter
But I bless myself one year from now
With the gift of memory.
Amen.