Prayer of Not Knowing

Dear God,
I am frustrated
With the big questions
Of purpose and meaning.
I have spent my life
Building credit with you
In the way my community taught
But I never received
That reward of loving belonging
I have never
Experienced your safety and comfort
Enveloping me with a power
That drives out fear.
Instead
The silence in its place calls to me
An eerie haunting.
When my searching for you turned frantic
The specter of absence was
A cold cruelty.

If you are there, God,
Make your presence known.
Make it known to me with a gentle
Familiar warmth.
Whisper into my ear
That you have loved me
In all of the hard moments of my life
That you celebrated with me
In my joy.
Show me that I have always belonged
With you, God.
Amen.

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